Git In Mah Belly

Being blessed with a large frame, I can put on a surprisingly large amount of flab without anyone noticing, unless they catch me doing a nude jog through Stanley Park one moonlit evening. This situation is pretty excellent, but there comes a time when the space in my trousers reaches dangerously constrictive levels. Then it's time to cut back on the triple oxenburgers with extra cow, snort a fat line of Xenadrine and head on out to the gym.

I think there are two ways to approach fitness. The first involves going utterly crazy for a short amount of time, eating nothing but fat-reduced air and running six marathons each evening (or morning, whatever suits). This method is great in that the weight drops quickly, which is highly rewarding. This method is bad in that uses up massive amounts of willpower, so it's not particularly sustainable. This is fine as long as after the purge you settle back into a nice healthy routine and keep the lost weight off, and don't celebrate by eating by eating an entire grilled Mastadon.

The second fitness method is to make changes to your lifestyle. This can be a healthier diet, regular gym classes, or even running stark naked through local public parks twice a week. Being a smaller effort, it's more sustainable, but it does suffer from a much longer timeline for weight loss. In our modern instant-gratification culture, the patience required for this path can often be in short supply. For those not quite able to hang in there, there's always methamphetamines, liposuction and stomach stapling, all of which have become quite reasonably-priced lately.