Down On My Knees

Friends, it pains me greatly to use my website for such a sorry business, but I'm a long way from home and I can't be close to those who understand me best. You see, I have a problem. I have a dark secret that has been growing for months and casting a black shadow across my existence. This affliction is shameful, and stupid, and sad. Every part of it is my own fault, so I'm hoping that these words reach those who care for me, and they can, somehow, send help.

It all started with work, which spun out of control recently. Longer hours, greater expectations and more difficult projects ground me down, until I found myself struggling to make it through each day. There, at my lowest ebb, a work colleague sensed my vulnerability and took me to a place near work, where I could buy a little something that made everything good again. I had tried it a few times before in London of course, but this time it struck deep, sinking its claws into my mind and body. I thought I could control it, that I was strong enough, that I could get my life together and just stop, but now I sneak out twice a day to get my fix, and I can't do anything but watch myself from the darkness behind my eyes.

I'm in a lonely place, falling through the void with the hard, rocky ground rushing up to smash me into oblivion. I'm swallowing my pride and asking for anything at all - kind words, a stern voice, anger or even scorn. Whatever you can provide, whatever you can spare. Whatever you think will help me with this sickness that is controlling me and twisting me up inside. Remember that I'd do the same for you - I really would. After all, friends don't let friends drink coffee.